July 5, 2013

fire bird

dear you,

i’m not sure what i did to deserve a baby like you but, thank you.

thank you for your sunny disposition. thank you for sharing your generous and genuine affection without any reservation. thank you for lighting up when you catch sight of me. thank you for your powerful, warm, medicinal, smile. thank you for breathing in my face- your delightful apple juice scent, evidence that you really are sweet to the core. thank you for sloppy open-mouthed kisses. thank you for your bright, mischievous, eyes. thank you for your alfalfa mohawk that makes it impossible to take life too seriously. thank you for “talking” with your eyebrows and in so doing bringing your tofino family closer. thank you for being so busy in your body and keeping us all wondering. thank you for being patient with me. thank you for teaching me about unconditional positive regard. thank you for being a ray of light.

you exemplify tolerance and grace, my little man, and i absolutely adore you.

“god help you if you are a phoenix and you dared to rise up from the ash” -ani.

July 3, 2013

haunted

“mom, do you remember all of the other days? when you were someone else?”

June 24, 2013

i’d like to think it’s true

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June 23, 2013

“where the light falls”

june 21st was the longest day of the year and for me, it (almost) was. my body sore from a run the night before i felt tired, worn, and defeated: i was such a beginner again. not quite starting over, but kind of: the relapse in to not running and the bilateral sprains were both slowing me down, both causing me grief.

it didn’t help that my baby had woken up at four a.m. and despite nursing him and loving him he did not return to slumber; waking his brother and keeping me from sleep, as well. two tired boys and a beyond tired mother a good day does not make.

it’s not just that. it has felt long lately in other ways: the time inside our home less and less enjoyable, for reasons i cannot name and that may not actually even exist. my boys are delightful, my man is a miracle, and my life is bountiful but I have, for whatever reason, felt fraught-wrought with inner dissatisfaction, frustration, sourness – none of which i want to feel and all of which are taking me further from the kind of person / woman / mother that i aspire to be.

as it were, amidst my eldest’s preschool graduation, all-consuming efforts to ensure my boys became rested, and the general monotony of being at home, i overlooked that it was solstice. evidence, entirely, that i had lost sight of the light.

fortunately, saturday brought with it my spouse’s company, encouragement, and support. “yes, of course” he replied when i asked if i could go to yoga, “take some momma time”.

yoga is an activity that i practice for both physical and emotional fitness, you see. my body loves me for attending class, for taking the time to stretch it, strengthen it, and heal it. so does my mind. i always learn something from class, not just about my body, but of myself. it is a place where I can’t talk, and that’s good for me, and, instead, i hear the teacher, i hear my body, i hear my heart, and i actually listen.

instead of my usual digs, i showed up at a studio i hadn’t tried before, lahari yoga in north delta, b.c. the teacher, kim, was welcoming, warm, bright, and accessible and she facilitated a lovely flow class that did me (really) good.

in addition, she prefaced the class by acknowledging the meaning and value of the longest day, the one that i had felt but had forgotten. thank goodness she did. she discussed the role solstice has played across time and across civilization: ritual; ceremony; shrines, and highlighted that man had built a number of structures positioned, purposefully, to maximize exposure to the sun.

of course, this day is immediately followed by a shortening; a subtle dimming that sneaks up on us, finding us surprised come fall, come winter, when the sun is virtually hidden. this turn was also worthy of mention, she, presenting the concept of a half-year opportunity: to identify goals, focus on intention, and manifest resolutions for the next half of 2013.

i heard her. i heard her say half. i heard her at the beginning and i heard her throughout the class. the class that my funky mood so desperately, desperately needed. and, interestingly, everything she said, every instruction and every pose correction, made me think of running and where running would take me in the remaining year’s time.

this side of the solstice, we will begin the actual half marathon training. this side of solstice, i will run my first half marathon, right before my maternity leave comes to a close, a grand celebration of effort (in more ways than one). this side of solstice i will be better, for me and for them.

this side of solstice, i will run; i will chase the light.

June 21, 2013

wham, bam, thank you ‘glam’: secrets of a top 30 mommy blogger

i’m not one to kiss and tell but the rumours are true: i, trusted friends, have taken a lover.

first, i was showered with attention. then, i was courted both with flattery and the promise of good things to come. finally, i was taken out for a night on the town.

believe it or not, this momma’s still got game. i got gussied up, made my way to a sexy venue, and just like any first date i felt it all: the anticipation, the awkwardness, the curiosity, the pressure, the romance, the hope. the unknown, the unfamiliar, the possibilities… i was reeling.

the date was a GLAM one, a party to celebrate the top 30 mommy bloggers of 2013, and was hosted by christine pilkington, ceo of crisp media and founder of vancouvermom.ca. i was wined and dined, made to feel special, showered with chocolate, accessories, and swag.  it was many things among them it was loud, fast, hot.

admittedly, i was overwhelmed and left confused, not knowing quite where i stood and questioning what it all meant. but, like any good relationship tale, the meat of the matter is in the morning after. and let me tell you, it’s been good.

i can tell it’s going to be a keeper, this new relationship with blog land. good thing too, i’m head over heels.