proud post

my running partner and i met up to run last night; the first run together in multiple months. it was awesome. and, it was significant…
getting ready to leave the house i felt excited that we were both able, and i felt energized. as i was grabbing my keys, big smile across my face, i noticed that the battery on my cell was low. i plugged it in to charge; one last thing to do before i was off.
that was when it struck me: how different things are now from when we began this journey; how far we have come. when we first began running my phone was always with me: fully charged, set to its highest volume, sometimes in my hand even. at every turn of our run, i found myself checking- what if my baby needed me?
this small shift in practice highlights that when we first began running, we were playing another game altogether.
for me, i was 8 weeks post-partum and deep in the thick of adjustment. physically, my organs were groaning, trying to find their place after having been so grossly displaced, and my joints ached after the months of carrying excessive surplus weight.

psychologically, i was immersed in effort, trying to make sense of having a new baby, not that i hadn’t had months to prepare, and while trying to reconcile having become a family of four in my head i was also making room in my heart: for my baby, bless him, as well as for my eldest, my spouse, and myself.
it was all so new: my baby, by age, and running again, conceptually. the act was so tentative; my self concept as a mother, woman, and runner, all so fragile.
since, we have both progressed so far and fitness, distance and fluidity are but some of our accomplishments. we have also survived sleepless nights (months!), we have overcome dark days where our hormones put up a fight, where our mood nearly betrayed us. we have forged forward as people, despite being in the depths of early childhood commitment: where we are to raise others, not necessarily ourselves. we have made time and we have found energy where there was none.

our babies have changed, our bodies have changed, our minds have changed, and our lives have changed. we are transformed.
thank you running. transformative, running.

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