hard to swallow

the truth is, i’m not much of a “mommy blogger”. i don’t do what you’re supposed to do, i guess.

i can’t stay on top of daily updates, i am not organized (or interesting enough) to list to do’s and we did’s, i lack the genes required to decorate with cute design features or photo logs. i don’t fall under the categories of creative, crafty, or custom (there is only one ‘c’ word that might apply to me and my mom reads this so i’ll spare both her and you the vulgarity).

i’m not funny on purpose, i don’t have much entertainment value, and god eff’n knows i  am not sexy (these days, in particular). i don’t blog as a way to promote my services, my business, my trade. i’ve got no giveaways, contests, or anything very merry to share. i won’t offer advice, parenting or otherwise. i don’t advertise my words any further then sharing them with my limited social network, and i’m the first to admit that i am from the dark ages with regard to web networking.

i don’t have a problem with this.

i do have an issue, however.

the thing is, i have been fortunate to have somehow established a wee bit of public interest but, because i have the emotional resiliency of a newt and am not short on the coo-coo factor, it’s causing some real panic up in here. i am so.out.of.my.league.

so, yah. on top of being sleep deprived, full-time harassed by my preschooler, and sucked dry by my baby, i somehow now feel pressured by unspecified new expectations of myself which is confusing, stressful, and a complete buzz kill. the flow has been officially compromised.

you see, writing is an expression of chance for me: when inspiration, interest, energy, focus, and time connect in some spontaneous and random way, encouraging and allowing me the opportunity.  these moments of fluidity are happening less and less lately and i fear that this is more about feeling pressured to perform, or my ability has been poisoned by some twisted social insecurity now that i think i am somehow part of the blogger realm.

point is, pardon the absenteeism. spare me some patience. momma’s gonna get her groove back. oh, and if you have any cures for ruminative and paralyzing neurosis that does not include heavy drinking (see above re baby and power nursing), do share. i need all the help i can get.

peace, hh.

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3 Comments to “hard to swallow”

  1. You wonderful saucy minx you. I love your un-blog? And you are a very sexy Amazon woman and amazing mom, friend, sister… your thoughts are a ray of sunshine on the shoulder and bring a smile to my face! Love Love Love!

  2. Sounds like you and the Biebs are suffering from the pressures of fame. Oh baby!

  3. I agree completely with Terry, especially the saucy minx part! We’d much rather read your reality infrequently than daily fluffy bullshit that only serves to make us all feel inadequate…. I love your blog and it always makes me feel honoured to know you! xo

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