Archive for March, 2012

March 21, 2012

and now for something completely different

news flash: this work shit is for suckers. and, in response to the bullshit sprint we personally perform what seems like 7 days a week, i am seriously contemplating a crazy drama fuelled self-sabotaging act like arriving at work, late, in my fleece pj pants complete with stretched out shelf bra tank top and oversized cardigan (clashing, of course).

i will have showered, shaved, moisturized, and done my hair. i will be sporting lip gloss and i will smell good. otherwise, i will be unpredictable. i may be volatile.

my full to the brim coffee ( in a homemade ceramic mug, no lid) and ‘i dare you to challenge me’ attitude will be ready for the first person who so much as notices my tardiness or non adherence to dress code. and then, i walk. i know i  have grounds for working mother stress reaction syndrome and i will hapily go on extended sick leave. you’ve been warned.

i mean it. eff you hussle, you suck us dry.

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March 7, 2012

those be fighting words

i just couldn’t put my kids in a daycare / i think it’s my responsibility to parent my own children / i just don’t know how you do it / your son goes to daycare? poor baby! / how much time do you get with him? / when do you sleep? / if you have plans with friends this weekend, when will you spend time with your boy? / daycare just seems like a waste of money! / you must be a superwoman / how do you know you can trust the childcare provider? / don’t you just wish you could stay home with him? /you choose your career over you son? / i stay at home to give my children the best / i just don’t know how you do it, don’t you miss him when you’re at work? / how do you juggle it all? / my job title is mother now / i didn’t go back to work until my children were old enough to manage without me / i just don’t want to miss any of their growing up, they are only young once / it’s not just the cost of daycare, but the cost of my children not having me around / how are you okay with the fact that you don’t know what he does in a day? /  all those different priorities! for me, it’s easy: my family comes first / it just seems so unnatural to give them to someone else to take care of / i would worry too much about mine / i just can’t justify paying someone to raise my children / my family is my work now / i just find with taking care of my kids well, there isn’t enough time to work / we can’t really afford for me to be at home, but it’s the right thing to do, so we get by / i sometimes don’t want to be at home but it seems so selfish to work / i’m just not comfortable handing my children to a stranger / i’m a full time mom / i guess if i had a career it would be different, maybe. i can’t imagine anything being as important as them / does he spend more time with them then with you? / he’s so young still, he must miss you / are you sure you’re okay? you look really tired.

believe it or not, this is what you sound like. not all of you, god knows (shout out to my super cool stay at home mom friends), but some of you do. and, for the record, it’s eff’n awful.  i hear it over, and over, and over again. i keep hoping it will stop but, so far, no luck.

i was lucky, however, to once read a terrible chick lit book (that i thoroughly enjoyed, ha!) that described this phenomenon, suggesting that stay at home mothers have a certain script that they need to say to themselves (and to others, apparently) to help justify their lives and that, similarly, working mothers do too.

it resonated, and since reading said tid bit of insight i always reflect on it when stay at home mothers, or former stay at home mothers even, ask about my life as a working mom only to proceed without genuine interest and comment with a combo infusion of shock and pity, on my life, my needs, my choices, our deal.

i try to remember the concept when the dialogue inevitably shifts to why they are or were stay at home. i try to remain curious about our differences when i feel as though i am being patronized, judged, or used as an example of how not to be. i try to be patient, assume that the conversation has nothing to do with me, and hope that you are simply defending your script.  i hold my head up and try not to get rattled by what i think you might be saying about me and what kind of person and mother i am.

i try not to get worked up.  i often don’t know how to back down but in this case, i don’t even rise up. i am tired and i’m not going to waste any time or energy on debate.  i mother my business. i never ask you why you are a stay at home mom. i don’t tell you all the reasons i am not. i don’t care to find retaliations to the statements you make about me and my family’s experience. i don’t go ahead and expose what i may perceive some of the stay at home flaws to be.  i don’t play the game and compete when it comes to who had the busiest, most tiring, most stressful or demanding day. i don’t think i invite these conversations, and i can’t remember starting any of them. i know i don’t engage all that readily, and i know that i try to ignore them into submission and hope they go away.

i try to be considerate of how personal, and frankly, political, our differences are and for the sake of not offending you, i just don’t go there. i wish you would do the same. i’m happy, most of the time, and my son almost always is. i hope you and yours are too. that should be enough.

it’s hard out there in mom land and i could use your help. it would make it easier on me if you’d just drop the value interview masked in friendly conversation that i didn’t sign up for. we, as individuals, spouses, and parents, are flawed. relatedly, our life set ups are too.   i respect yours. i also respect mine.

i work and, overall, it works. that’s all.  i don’t feel pressured to stand in defence of my script… we’re cool. okay? let’s be done.


“there is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women”- madeleine k. albright.

March 6, 2012

how we do

savoury fish cakes:

inspired by my mother in-law and created by me with help from “how people feast, an indigenous people’s cookbook”.


2 cups jarred salmon

2 cups cooked wild rice

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp rosemary salt

2 large eggs (grain fed and free run, of course!)

1/4 cup butter, melted

1 cup milk

1/2 cup breadcrumbs

1/2 green pepper, diced

1/2 yellow pepper, diced

1/4 cup zuchini, shredded

1/4 cup corn

1/4 cup diced spinach

pinch of dill

diced green onion to taste


de-bone salmon. mash. add other ingredients one by one. stir and mix well with each ingredient thrown in. when all in, create 1/4 cup sized batter balls. form to patty. place in oiled fry pan. cook until brown on each side. serve with salad, and a mashed yam, carrot, and turnip dish. white wine mandatory. a home-made mustard sauce compliments the fish cakes nicely, as does good conversation with the family you are sharing with, and a side of of gratitude.

eat, drink, and be merry!

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